I choose

The coach asked - there are two ice creams chocolate and vanilla. Choose one 

Me - chocolate 

Coach - say “ I choose chocolate” 

Coach - chocolate vanilla choose 

Me - I choose chocolate 

Coach - why chocolate ? 

Me - I choose chocolate because I love that flavour 

Coach - why chocolate? 

Me - I choose chocolate because it tastes great 

Coach - why chocolate? 

Me ( confused ) - I choose chocolate because it’s less sweet 

Coach - why chocolate? 

Me (confused some more ) - I choose chocolate because I like the colour 

Coach - why chocolate? 

Me ( running out of reasons) - I choose chocolate because it tastes best after a meal. 

Coach - why chocolate? 

Me (what does he want from me? ) - I choose chocolate because I have been eating it since I was a kid. 

Coach - why chocolate? 

Me ( exasperated ) I choose chocolate because I choose chocolate..... 

coach - FINALLY! 

Me (seriously?) 

The coach went on to explain and I  understood what he meant. He gave several examples,  quoted various incidents to explain. Many many things going on at once....I understood and went on with the rest of the programme. That might have been a penny drop moment for me almost 5 years ago. Many things would have cleared up for me . Honestly don’t remember exactly. 

I have been married for 17 years. It was happily decided at the very beginning that I will take care of everything around home and kids and he will take care of everything outside home.

Numbers were never my friends. So I was happy that bills, money, finances were not a part of my responsibility at home. 

Every time there is a conversation with friends and family and shopkeepers about numbers of any kind including dates and phone numbers, I’d be the first to say that I should not be relied upon. 

Life’s been going great and I have been proud of myself that I am honest and don’t pretend to know things I don’t know. 

Very recently I caught myself getting triggered when HE said it’s no use discussing the market conditions with me because i would never understand. The decisions about buying a house or not was his because I will not understand the finances.

Lately I noticed getting irritated by his responses, found them derogatory. I would hear myself screaming the words “why can’t you explain then? “ “maybe you need to polish your explanatory skills.”  I was agitated whenever he told me what I had created myself about myself. All I could hear was that he is calling me DUMB. He did sometimes too and that confirmed my listening towards myself. 

Today while chatting with  someone I said- “you are 27 years old, please don’t tell me that your dad doesn’t allow you to party. You are lazy and would rather be at home. So please acknowledge that you choose not to party and stop this blame game. 

At that moment I actually and truly and maybe for the first time in five years, since that ice cream exercise with the coach, got present to the power of “I choose” 

We are designed to make excuses, designed to create a safety network around ourselves. We ask many people before taking a call then we take a call that suites us best and then we regret taking that call sometime down the line and in our mind we satisfy ourselves that I had consulted many sources and they all felt the same so let me not regret now or regret like hell for listening to them.  It’s so much easier to blame others in front of the world, to announce that that call was someone else’s idea and now our lives are ruined because of them. 

Believe me our closest family gets to bear the maximum brunt for that. Our parents, siblings, spouses and children.  Though in the deepest corners of our heart we know that it was our own mistake and we don’t admit it in front of anyone and sadly not even to ourselves. 

This realisation gave me a new found confidence. I realised that it was now that I have really understood what the coach had told me almost 5 years ago. 

My nephew called to discuss with my husband if he should change his current job. Of course I don’t understand numbers, financial market, the corporate market so I quickly passed the phone. Just when they were done with the discussion I took the phone and told my nephew that it’s great that he’s asking everyone and eventually whatever he decides, that is the call he will take.  There is no one who knows what the future holds, every decision can turn out to be the best or the worst decisions in their life. We just create a safety network of guides before taking a decision so we can blame them when things don’t turn out as desired. 

So I say, do your research and then just choose .... choose and then don’t look back. Don’t regret, don’t resent, don’t feel guilty. Only remember that the decision taken at this time will be an informed one and is taken suiting the situation at this time. So take a call and be grateful for being given a choice. Make a choice and then pat yourself for making a choice. 

Now you will ask why pat? 

Do you notice how some people take a call and some can’t even decide what ice cream flavour to order? i have been in the second category my entire life. My husband has often told me that I don’t take any responsibilities. Of course I take all the responsibilities around the house . I am such an amazing wife that I don’t do anything without checking with him first and then always go by whatever he chooses. Can he get a better wife? 

Today I say, yes. He also deserves a wife who chooses and takes responsibility of major decisions sometimes.if not the sole responsibility, at least come up with a suggestion. He has been burdened by all major choices because I never chose. So all responsibilities were his. My job was to abide by him, give a pat on his back if things turned out great  or blame him if things went wrong because remember, I let him choose. Today I got present to my drama in our relationship. The drama has to end now ....

So today I CHOOSE.... I choose to be intelligent. I choose to be not dumb. I chose to learn how to drive, I chose to not learn how to swim, I chose to be a stay at home mum, I chose to pursue my art form from home, i chose to not learn how to cook butter chicken. I chose to order it every time we wanted to eat it. I can cook various things. There is no one stopping me from learning how to learn to cook that too. Does that make me dumb? No. 

I chose to not understand the finances of our lives, I chose that part because my husband chose to manage the finances. Neither he nor I call him dumb if he doesn’t understand kids schedules, handiwork around the house, or what basic medicines are given to children or their vaccination schedules. Does that make him dumb? No, because he chose to not understand them. 

I wasn’t drugged when I married, it was a choice I made. Then why do I end up blaming him when things don’t turn out the way I want? Convenient, remember? So today  I take responsibility for the choice I made I choose my husband for who he is and who he isn’t. 

I wasn’t asked by my children to give birth to them. I wanted children so I brought them into this world. So what gives me a right to want them to do what I want them to do and how I want that done? Is that fair that if they do things my way, I applaud them and show resentment if they don’t? 

My job is to provide  them with basic necessities. Show them that they need to take responsibility for their choices. Guide them from my knowledge and experiences but give them a chance to explore and make their choices. 

So today I choose my children for who they are and for who they aren’t. 

I choose my parents, my in-laws, my brother, my sis in laws for who they are and for who they are not. 

I am intelligent because an intelligent person knows how to love, take care. An intelligent person knows how keep her family together. 

So today I choose to drop the listening I have about myself that I am dumb around numbers. I choose to be intelligent, i choose to be a decision maker. I choose to take responsibility. I choose to acknowledge myself for who I am and for who I am not. Today I choose to drop the listening about myself that I am dumb... period! 

And when I choose that, no one will be allowed to tell me that I am dumb! 

I don’t need to find explanations for my choice ..., I choose chocolate because I CHOOSE CHOCOLATE!